Getting a divorce is a painful process which leaves a person feeling empty, lost or even bitter. It takes a lot of efforts for a person going through the divorce process to get up in the morning, take a shower and head out of the house to do the things that he or she needs to do. So how can you move on? Is there something magical that you can take in order to help you forget everything? Unfortunately, there is none. The only way to move on is to do it the hard way – step by step.
For a start, let us share some useful tips to help you let go and move on after the divorce.
1. Accept that the marriage is over
Acceptance is a critical part in letting go. When a marriage is over, most people are not able to accept it. They cling on to the empty shell that was their marriage, and made life hell for themselves and their loved ones. Do not become one of those people. It is horrible to live in a past that is no longer valued by the other person who matter to you. However, before you can start to let go, you need to accept the fact that the marriage is no longer a healthy, wholesome relationship. The divorce has fragmented the happiness that was once whole, and now, you need to find your own life to live and be happy once again.
2. Tell the people who love you
You do not need to go through a divorce on your own. Build your own support network by telling your family and close friends that you are getting a divorce. Be honest with them instead of telling them half-truths like “We are just going through a rough time” or “He is just having fun with the other woman and will still return to me eventually”. Importantly, saying those words “I am getting a divorce” is helpful to get you started in the acceptance process and in the long run, will be beneficial for you when you want to move on.
3. Say your goodbyes – to your spouse and your marriage
The process of saying goodbye is another crucial milestone in your journey of moving on after the divorce. It is part and parcel of letting go, so do not skip this important step. The first thing to do is to stop trying to hurt your spouse. The more you are thinking about getting back at him or her, the more you are going to be stuck in the failed relationship. Next, you may consider saying goodbye to him or her in your imagination. This step helps you to articulate the good times you had, the hurt you had gone through and the acceptance of the dissolved marriage. After this, you need to detach yourself from your spouse. Let go of the responsibility you feel for your spouse, and actively acknowledge that your spouse is no longer responsible for you.
4. Set some immediate goals
These goals are meant to keep you going, so set them with an extremely short time frame. An example of these immediate goals is to call your friends and ask them out for a dinner date tomorrow. The main purpose of these goals is to keep you going and not to think about what you can do now that you are divorced.
5. Think about your future
Once you are ready to think of the future, sit down and seriously consider what you want to do next. The divorce has given you freedom. Do not ever doubt that. Your life is now yours again, without responsibilities towards your spouse. Embrace that freedom once again. Think about the dreams that you had let go when you got married. Do you want to fulfil those dreams? If you find something that you always wanted to do but did not find the time to do it while married, now is the best time to engage in it.
6. Identify yourself as an individual
No matter if you have children or not, you need to identify yourself again as an individual. Ask yourself who you will want to be in the next one year, five years and ten years from now. Identify the person you want to be, and set out certain goals that will take you there. Map out a detailed plan on how you want to move forward as your own person and take it slowly from there.
The process of moving on after a divorce is a journey and one in which you can discover yourself. Let time heal your hurts and do not rush yourself into a fake acceptance. Instead, linger on the parts which you find hard to let go, and allow yourself to discover that inner strength that you have. As all experienced family lawyers will tell you, “acceptance is the only way to move on after a divorce”.