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Finding Hope at the Breaking Point: Actions to Save Your Marriage

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Have you reached a breaking point in your marriage?
It might seem like you have only two options: endure the unhappiness or file for divorce, but there but there’s another option that can lead to significant positive changes: seeking expert help.

Sitting down with a professional marriage counselor can help you and your spouse navigate difficult conversations, remove blame and criticism, and transform your relationship. Just like a visit to a doctor when you’re unwell, a marriage counsellor or therapist can guide and support you through this challenging time.

Before making any drastic decisions, consider these essential questions.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Would you like to change anything specific in your marriage?

Identify the reasons for your unhappiness and what changes are needed to restore joy in your relationship, such as:

  • “I want to feel more respected as a wife.”
  • “I need more space.”
  • “I wish I could spend more time with my spouse.”
  • “I would like more financial stability.”
  • “I want a more active sex life.”

Have You Shared the Desire to End Your Marriage with Your Partner?

Even if both partners acknowledge their unhappiness, they might not fully understand each other’s reasons.

After identifying desired changes, have an honest conversation with your spouse, using calm and non-judgmental language, such as:

  • “I want us to talk more.”
  • “I want to see you more often.”
  • “I want us to share household responsibilities.”
  • “I want us to experience more intimacy.”

What Changes Will Create a Better Relationship for You and Your Partner?

Discuss the changes needed for happiness and determine which ones you can implement. Set goals like having weekly dates or daily check-ins, and follow through for at least a month to see the impact on your marriage.

Are There Specific Influences That Harm Your Marriage?

  • Poor communication is a primary influence, as misunderstandings and lack of open dialogue can lead to unresolved conflicts and resentment.
  • Financial stress, whether from job loss, debt, or differing spending habits, often exacerbates tensions within the relationship.
  • Infidelity and breaches of trust can deeply wound a marriage, creating emotional distance and distrust.

Additionally, external pressures such as work demands, family obligations, and health issues can contribute to marital strain, making it essential for couples to recognize and address these influences to maintain a healthy and resilient partnership.

Are You Ready to Give Up on Your Marriage or Rebuild Together?

It’s essential to reflect on whether you want to part ways or work together to rebuild your relationship. Deciding to stay and work through the difficulties requires commitment, open communication, and mutual effort.

Before making a final decision, consider seeking professional guidance to explore all possibilities for rekindling your bond and overcoming the obstacles you face.

What Do You Think Will Improve If You and Your Partner Divorce?

Consider the realistic outcomes of divorce. It may not solve all your problems and can introduce new challenges, disrupting your home, family, and personal life.

Do You and Your Spouse Share a Vision for Your Marriage? If Not, Why Not?

Understanding why you don’t share the same vision is the first step in addressing these issues. Is it due to a lack of communication, differing values, or unspoken expectations?

By identifying the root causes, you can work together to build a more unified and fulfilling partnership. Professional counseling can help facilitate these important conversations and bridge the gap between your differing perspectives.

Have You Contacted an Expert for Help in Your Marriage? If Not, What is Stopping You and Your Partner?

Professional help from a marriage counselor, therapist, or even an experienced family lawyer/divorce coach to understand your position can provide you with the tools and insights needed to make informed decisions about your future.

Consulting an expert can help you understand your options, address underlying issues, and work towards a resolution that prioritises the well-being of both you and your partner.

Taking this step can offer clarity and support during a challenging time, ensuring you don’t have to face it alone.