Divorce can have a severe impact on children, regardless of their age. Unfortunately, that’s something that only a few parents understand, and many of them make the mistake of thinking that their grown-up children have moved on and that they aren’t affected by the divorce anymore. However, that is far from the truth.
Adult children of divorce often carry the emotional weight of their parent’s separation for years, and some never get over it.
If you are the parent of an adult child of divorce, here are six things your kid desperately wants you to know.
They didn’t cause the divorce
First and foremost, your adult child wants you to know that they are not the reason why you and your spouse divorced. As parents go through the divorce proceedings, it’s common for a child to become the scapegoat.
You and your partner may point fingers at one another and blame the child for some of the problems that led to the divorce. Your adult child carries this weight and feels guilty for something they didn’t cause.
Letting them know that the divorce was never their fault is essential.
They don’t want to take sides
Another thing that your adult child wants you to know is that they don’t want to choose between their parents. They love their parents the same way and don’t want to take sides.
Even if one parent was entirely at fault, your adult child doesn’t want to choose. Remember, it’s not a competition between you and your ex-spouse.
They need you to communicate effectively
Your adult child wants you to communicate effectively and avoid arguing or putting them in the middle of your disagreements. Even though you are no longer together, co-parenting requires cooperation, and you need to put your child’s needs first.
When you disrespect one another or argue in front of your child, it brings back negative memories that your child has worked hard to forget.
They want their opinions and feelings heard
Just because your child is an adult doesn’t mean that they don’t have feelings about your divorce. Your adult child wants you to understand that they have emotions and want to be heard.
They may want to share their opinion on some issues or express feelings about the divorce you never knew existed.
They want to create new memories separately
Your adult child needs to let go of the memories of you and your spouse as a couple and create new memories with each parent separately. Routines change when parents divorce, and a child may feel lost.
Your child must be free to create new traditions and routines with each parent without the other parent wanting to control the situation.
They need your support and love
Finally, your adult child needs your support and love throughout the journey. The divorce may have ended, but the emotional effects may last long.
Your child may seek therapy or support groups, and it’s important to encourage them. Your love and support will help them move forward.
Conclusion:
As a parent, it’s important to understand that divorce impacts adult children differently than young children. They are more aware of the situation and carry more weight as you go through the divorce proceedings.
Communicate with your child effectively, avoid putting them in disagreements, and always remember to give them love and support.
Most importantly, listen to what they say and respect their feelings. By doing so, you’ll be able to help them move forward and create a new reality for themselves.
